It has to be him
by Avaetin
Summary: "I offer an equivalent exchange between souls. A soul that reside within Elysium for one that had cheated death. My soul, Nico di Angelo, with the soul of Perseus Jackson." He was not giving up his life, no. He was starting a new one.


**_Anon Request: ANGST. Nico's death._**

 ** _My Response:_** _Consider it done. :)_

 ** _Pairing:_** _I actually don't know. If you read it, you will know why._

 _ **This is a male/male pairing fic.** **Any unconstructive criticism would be deleted (Yes, the site has that function.)**_

 _ **IMPORTANT:**_ _This is based of viria and minuiko's art exchanges. The "payback for this payback, that is a payback for this…" yes that one. x'D Uhh I had many endings in mind, possible ones that is, but the anon said ANGST, and I had to respect that the need for ANGST was A LOT since it was in all caps. So here is ANGST intensified? Haha x'D Hopefully. :)_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _Percy Jackson and its characters belong solely to Rick Riordan._

 ** _This story is also available on Tumblr._**

* * *

 _ **It has to be him**_

* * *

" _To reclaim a soul that passed on to the Underworld, you need…"_

"… _a soul that has cheated death…"_

 _._

 _._

 _._

"… _me…!"_

* * *

"Is this what you truly want?"

That sole question had been asked of him for several dozens of time, uttered like a broken record – unchanged in intonation and uttered with practiced nonchalance that made it always sound robotic. Had the situation be of any difference, that mere question would have long provoked him with how it was uttered – _considerably_ unfeeling. Yet, it laced with a displeased acceptance that had him oddly wonder what it had been due to.

For now, his emotions were firmly set. There was an unnatural contentment and a sense of accomplishment to his actions, a concrete acceptance of his fate, and a scintilla of regret. Whether it was for his past actions or of the present situation, or of opportunities of the future that he could never come to experience, he did not know.

There were so many things he wished he could have done better; decisions he wished he could have changed so that he would have lived with a little less regret and remorse. For himself. Mostly for himself. Perhaps then, everything could have proceeded a little too differently. Or perhaps not.

The Fates had never been kind for the spawns of Hades, and even the Lord of the Underworld had been isolated from the world for millennia and more. Perhaps, it was the common fate that bound them together; never having a grasp at happiness.

Perhaps, thinking in a different perspective, they existed just so that others could have justifiable and blissful lives; that in some twisted logic, they were fated to absorb the misfortunes of others and provide others the opportunity to live.

That made his impending death much noble.

That made him accept it ever the more securely and with open arms.

"I offer an equivalent exchange between souls. A soul that reside within Elysium for one that had cheated death. My soul, Nico di Angelo, with the soul of Perseus Jackson," his voice did not waver the slightest, proving just how strong his conviction was.

Among the quests and the wars he partook, this action – he would not dare call it sacrificial – was like a walk in the park. Only, there was no option of him going back. But that was the purpose of presenting such a request; the icing on the cake.

The eyes of the Lord of the Underworld were comparative to an endless abyss, of immeasurable death that bore nothing discernible to the eye. There were no clear emotions discernible to the eye, and it was by gestures along and contortions of the features that gave subtleties away.

There might be a hint of pride or a hint of acceptance, he could only hope for that it would not be of that disappointment he had seen far too often in his life. He did not need of a reminder that he was one, and that he might end his life still as one.

A small sigh parted pale thin lips as his father arose from his throne, striding forth towards where he firmly stood his ground.

"Once the exchange had been done, there is no going back," Hades reminded of him, stopping short a few feet from his son. "Are you prepared to sacrifice your life?"

A small amused smile curled his lips.

"My life is nothing compared to his. What he has achieved and what he could achieve… And I believe that this is my fate," Nico slowly replied. "It's always how our fate ended."

"I won't go into Elysium if that had been an option," he added as he gazed back into his father's eyes, showing the strength of his conviction. "I want to start anew. I want to be reborn."

Dark eyes drifted away from their connection for a few seconds, seeming to survey the vast space of the throne room as a momentary distraction. Neither minded the constant companion of silence, and if it were the last thing that they were to share, then so it shall be. There were many words he wished he could express to his father. Apologize for who he was and what he had become, of not meeting his expectations, for living instead of his sister Bianca. There were _oh so many_ that he could not actually put into words. Perhaps his father could hear his thoughts, but decided against speaking in favor of them both.

Their words had to be guarded, they were both aware of that fact. Not out of respect, but due to the fact that anything that could have been said might just lash back at their beings. Any words spoken might build any form of attachment that neither needed. Not now.

"Do you hope that you would be reunited with your mother and sister?" Hades questioned, the critical look in his eyes dwindling by a fraction, and Nico could see fondness and remorse for a split second.

"No. If I were to be in the same family as them once more, I would be happy. But if I won't be, then I hope that I would be a better person if we were to meet again," Nico hesitantly replied, faintly surprised that he had actually meant what he said.

He did not know how his mother or sister would take his action, and they would not be aware either way for they had already chosen to be reborn into another life. By some sliver of luck, he might be reunited with them once more in a life less hostile, less _painful_ as the one they had come to live. Perhaps, in this other life, he could breathe so freely once more.

Perhaps, in this other life, he could finally be _happy_.

"Let it be known that this exchange is sealed and approved."

Hades made the declaration in his low voice just as he approached his son, surprising the latter as cold arms wound over his frame. It was like embracing a block of ice, inducing pinpricks of goosebumps to adore his skin. Yet, the uncomfortable tugging along his insides reminded him that this was not a parting embrace or anything remotely close. This was of Nico giving his soul up, and Hades staking a claim of it.

"It is not any of your fate, my children, to have your lives end in a tragedy. It is yours and only yours to dictate… _my son_ ," Hades breathed as he pulled his soul slowly out of his body.

It did not hurt one bit, and it was rather as if he was being coaxed to sleep. There was no pain or discomfort. Just a sense of that peace he had craved for in all the years of his life he spent living in misery. For a second, he could almost swear that he felt utterly _complete_.

"And I choose this fate," was his sole remark, a lone tear slipping past his left eye – for what or for whom he could only question – as he breathed his last.

* * *

A chorus of voices breathed a solemn song harmoniously, coming short of perfection, yet it sounded like _home_ to anyone who could hear. There was but a small hint of tension in the air, a whole lot more of remorse and grief. The campfire blazed, flames swirling in a dance distinctively of their own, bathing each camper of a comforting light and warmth that they had never been so gratuitous of until then. If one were to stare immensely at the searing source of heat, one could see the miniscule orbs of flame floating towards the sky, reaching far and beyond.

He remembered vaguely of his mother calling it _heaven_ , and for once, he hoped that it had actually existed.

A lone figure suddenly materialized a few feet from where the fire burned with increasing intensity, startling all campers and cutting short the melodious harmony of the song as they gazed, stupefied, at the presence of an individual they could have sworn that they had set ablaze not just a day ago.

Silence resonated throughout the entire camp grounds, aside from the steady crackles coming from the burning wood, and it was as if no one could formulate a thought on what to say or how they should react. The daughter of Athena was the one to break the silence, stiffly rising from her seat and briskly walking towards the figure that appeared. Before the said figure could speak, she pulled back her fist, punching the person squarely on his right cheek until he was flat on the ground, clutching at his injured body part with a pained whimper.

With the confirmation that the figure was not an apparition and was _very much_ alive did the hushed voices started to escalate in a disbelieving cheer.

"Percy Jackson! He's back!"

 _Yes, he is back._ The soul could only watch from the distance within the shades of the trees, the ethereal glow of his body and the transparency of it a dead giveaway to the situation.

The deal had been fulfilled.

With emotionless eyes, he watched as the daughter of Athena tackled the teen to the ground in a mere seconds, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and kissing him passionately as if she were afraid that he would be gone once more in a second. With emotionless eyes, he watched as the son of Poseidon returned the kiss with equal intensity despite the crowd closing in on them in order to get a closer view of their presumed dead hero, as if needing more confirmation that he was actually alive. With emotionless eyes, he watched as Jason and Piper join the embracing couple in what could only be described as a messy group hug. With emotionless eyes, he watched intensely as Chiron's shocked expression that soon became troubled as he scanned through his young campers one by one, looking for that one person that would never be there again. Then, his expression settled on remorse in what he could only deem as realization as to the situation.

Everything has a price. That is a worldly concept that was inevitable in any form. Choices, decisions, opportunities, actions… each and every single one of them had a price.

If he were to be honest with himself of one thing, he could admit that he was happy to see Hazel, Frank, Jason and Piper smiling. Eventually, Leo would reunite with them upon rescuing Calypso from her imprisonment in Ogygia, and there would be much reason for them to celebrate. Their hero had returned from the land of the dead, and one of the Seven heroes would just as well in due time. And…

The son of Hades was _finally_ gone.

 _All the more reason to celebrate_ , Nico thought to himself, holding not even a hint of anger on venom. It was something he had long come to accept, and had finally embraced. He had fulfilled his role in this story of a lifetime, and what remained that had to be done was now their responsibility.

His thoughts drifted to his half-sister, and he murmured a soft prayer for her, hoping that her fate would not end in a tragedy just as his had been. If there was something he was sure of, if there was any children of Hades or Pluto that could defy fate and live their life to the fullest, it would be Hazel Levesque. He was sure that her happiness was secure.

He wish that he could have voiced his goodbyes to her before he made his decision. But she would have stopped him before he would have gone through with it. He did not need anyone deterring his conviction. Not Jason, not Hazel, not _anyone_.

"… Nico…" he faintly heard his name being called, and for a second he thought that someone had seen him.

But no.

"Guys, where's Nico?" Percy asked, that wide goofy smile stretching his lips still as he asked his friends atop of him. He carefully made a move to stand up, lifting Annabeth to her feet as well while their small group disentangled from one another, sheepish smiles on their faces.

"Nico left this morning. He said he had something to do in the Underworld," Piper responded softly, looking down while patting her jeans, removing the dirt that clung onto the apparel, failing to see how the smile instantly dropped from those winsome features.

It was comical to him almost, imagining gears turning within that head as those sea-green eyes widened, an expression of shock, dread and fear surfacing altogether in one go. Nico remembered with crystalline clarity the words he had said to him and, as he closed his eyes, he could almost see everything that had transpired in clear detail. He could safely bet that the same words were only then resurfacing in the mind of the son of Poseidon.

" _It should've been me. That would have been the better outcome."_

" _No one would mourn the son of Hades."_

"… _they'd move on."_

He opened his eyes just in time to see the son of Poseidon forcefully pry himself from the stunned daughter of Athena, his head shaking back and forth.

"Hazel! We need to call Hazel now!" Percy bellowed, frantic eyes scanning through the faces of each and every camper, looking for that one person he needed to see at that very moment.

"He caught on fast." A voice commented beside his apparition, yet he did not bother to check whom it was. His time with the living was almost done. Seeing through that the deal had been fulfilled to the very end was all there was to this. "I'm surprised that he had managed to realize what had happened, yet he was oblivious to your emotions up until the end."

Hades lifted one of his hands up, a white ball of fire within his grasp. With a brief glance towards the apparition of his son, his hand closed into a fist, extinguishing it. _Hazel would realize soon_ , was the only thought in his mind. _Hazel would realize that I am dead._

Nico shrugged.

" _I gave him enough reason to panic whenever I visit the Underworld. And now with him being alive a day after our conversation, he just put two and two together,"_ Nico responded. _"True, I did not expect him to realize anytime soon. I would have hoped that he would not notice for an hour more or two. Or a day."_

Hades regarded the fond expression on his son's features.

"Did it have to be the Jackson kid?" Hades questioned with a sigh, glowering.

Nico allowed for a small amused smile to curl his lips.

" _Yes. It has to be him,"_ Nico whispered as he allowed for his father to lead him back to the Underworld, never once turning back to make a glance.

* * *

"Is this what you truly want?"

There it was again, that dreadful question that he had come to hear repetitively since he had come to the domain of his father. The only difference now was that it was uttered by a different individual, an uninvited meddler whose presence surprised him. It was the least person he had expected to be there, and also one of the few he had hoped that he would not have come to see.

" _Lady Aphrodite, why are you in my father's domain?"_ Nico forced himself to be polite with the goddess as he stood just a few meters from the River Lethe, the gurgling sound emanating from the river reminding him of what he had to do.

The goddess stepped close to him, ignoring the presence of the Lord of the Underworld. It was difficult to look at her as her features contorted to that of the person he gave his life for, so he decided to cast his eyes to the ground.

"It was never supposed to end like this, son of Hades," Aphrodite answered with a soft sigh as she gestured to the river then to him with sympathetic eyes.

" _What caused things to change?"_

"Interventions," was her curt remark, her lips pursing for a second before she spoke once more.

"It was not the right time. And then, Percy died," Aphrodite continued, assessing for any reaction from the son of Hades but receiving none in return. "And then you changed fate once more by exchanging your soul for him. And now…"

" _I don't need to know these things. I am already dead. What do I gain from this?"_ he asked rhetorically before raising his head, forcing himself to look onto her then sea-green eyes.

" _I just need to know one thing. Did he ever need me as much as I needed him?"_ Nico questioned, already well aware of the answer, but needing to hear it from the goddess.

Aphrodite bit her lips.

"He would have," was the answer she gave, and he was unsatisfied of it.

" _It doesn't matter now,"_ Nico answered, avoiding the intensity of those eyes as he casted his own to the milky white fluid that floated down the River Lethe.

" _Please just make sure that they would all be happy. Hazel, Jason… Percy,"_ he said after a moment of silence.

"I can promise for Hazel and Jason. But for Percy, that is a different matter," she answered softly. "Whatever I set into place, I cannot change. I'm not sure what the future holds for young Perseus now."

" _I see,"_ was his only remark before he turned his back to the goddess who took a few steps back, keeping her eyes locked intently onto the apparition of the demigod, probably wanting to see him through to his other life.

"Any last request?" his father questioned, standing by his side just as he made a move to step into the river.

" _Just tell Hazel that I love her please. And that I would not go if I didn't know that she is strong enough to get through life without me. She deserves to know that much. Tell her to tell Jason and Reyna that I've always been grateful of their friendship."_

There was so much that he wished he could say to his sister. To apologize for dragging her back into the living and leaving her once he thought she could finally stand up on her own. To apologize for being so selfish, masking his intentions until it was all too late. To say his thanks for when she comforted him on moments wherein he was close to breaking apart. Most importantly, to say his thanks for treating him with that love and respect only a family – the one that he had lost – had ever given him.

There was so much that he wished he could have done for the son of Jupiter. To show that he trust him just as much as the son of Jupiter did. To show that he was grateful for that friendship he offered, even if it only lasted for a while. To show him his gratitude for keeping his well-kept secret unknown from the knowledge of the other demigods.

There was so much, _so much_ to say, and he was already out of time.

They would move on, that he was certain of. Just as he would now.

He was not throwing away his previous life. He was starting a _new_ one.

" _It is not any of your fate, my children, to have your lives end in a tragedy. It is yours and only yours to dictate."_

 _And it is mine to dictate now,_ the son of Hades mused to himself, closing his eyes shut as he allowed for himself to fall into the water like a dead weight.

And before he could register the shouts of familiar voices that called out to him, his entire life had been wiped out.

* * *

.

 _Two years later_

 _._

* * *

A fleeting summer's breeze passed through the partially open bay windows, rustling silken baby blue curtains in its wake. With an almost unnatural delicateness, it faintly brushed against soft, puffed cheeks that seemed so fragile to the touch. Shadows along the furthest corner of the baby room compacted ever so briefly before expanding as a petite figure stepped out from within, feet landing against the parquet flooring with a small tap.

Eyes of a molten, golden hue drifted for a mere second at the closed door, assessing her surroundings for a few moments before cautiously making her way to the center of the room, where an unconscious toddler lay, drifted far on a peaceful slumber.

"Hello, little one. It's me again, Hazel," the figure introduced herself, an affectionate smile curling thin pink lips as she reached out a hand to caress a mop of curly jet-black locks. "It's been a while since I visited you, and nothing much… changed."

Her lips pressed firmly onto a thin line as she gently pulled back her hand, clasping them both instead across her flat midsection. Nothing much of her changed since the day his brother died. It had been difficult to move on, knowing that the only family she had was now eternally gone from her life. With baby steps, she had begun to move on, with Frank acting as her support in every step of her way. His brother's words that he had passed onto their father to tell her… They were what kept her alive every single day.

"I visited dad just recently," she started off in a soft tone. "Though he does not say it, he appreciates the company since Lady Proserpina is away. The Underworld gets lonely for him, but he would not say that out loud."

A few minutes of pause.

"He might think that I do not notice but, whenever he pass by your room, he would shift back to being Lord Hades and sometimes go inside. I think… No, I'm sure he missed your visitations too. A lot. You've always done a better job at keeping him company than I do. I'm forced to eat Lady Ceres' – Lady Demeter's – cereals whenever I visit too," she half-heartedly chuckled, an odd mix of humor and sadness settling on her eyes.

"Jason and Piper are doing well. They are in college now, and still remaining strong. I heard Jason plans to propose to Piper next year or so. He thinks it might be too early, but better late than never with our lives as demigods. Jason misses you a lot too, and while he had learnt to accept your decision long ago, I think he still wishes to have spent more time with you," Hazel continued, a small smile gracing her lips once more. "Leo and Lady Calypso are planning to start their own shop at New Rome. Reyna is considering their plans first before allowing them to proceed."

"Frank is busy most of the time with his duties as a praetor. But we are doing fine together and he is helping me get better every single day…" she trailed off for a while, eyes drifting towards the fluttering of the silken curtains, momentarily distracting herself from her following words.

"Annabeth… She is attending college in New Rome as well. With… With Percy. She and Chiron are discussing plans on building a Greek version of New Rome – New Athens. Chiron thinks that it's a good idea to keep the Greek demigods close and to provide them a chance at having a normal life instead of ' _imposing'_ with the Romans," Hazel chuckled at that last bit, clasping her hands much tightly as she prepared herself to say what followed.

"And Percy… Percy has never been the same after you died," Hazel softly murmured, gently caressing the flawless olive skin of slightly plump cheeks with a shaky hand. "Even though he won't say it, he thinks of you every second of every day. He always looks at the shadows, as if expecting for you to come back through one. He blames himself for every pain in your life. He's killing himself every day for it, and Annabeth… Annabeth is almost at her end of trying to keep him alive."

A shuddering breath.

"Annabeth tells me that he often dreams of you. Almost every night. And he would wake up crying every single time… and Annabeth feels as if pieces of his soul leave him with each passing day. He's alive, but every day for him is a slow transition to death."

A chocked sob.

"I think… I think he might have fallen in love with you. Only, too late. He always had that faraway look in his eyes, and Annabeth thinks that he's only thinking now of you when you were gone, and… a-and that kills him even more. Annabeth… she…"

A lone teardrop.

"She wonders every day if this was any better than having Percy dead. Because every time she looked at his empty eyes… it was as if being alive did not make any difference with being dead. Annabeth is trying to fight for their future. But, she's losing hope with each passing day. Though his heart is still beating, everyday it's always breaking. The pain that he would feel seems to give his life some meaning."

Hands clasped over quivering lips, muffling the high-pitched whimpers that slipped.

"Percy keeps whispering _'a second'_ to himself from time to time. A-And Annabeth stopped asking after a while because Percy… P-Percy always breaks down."

No one but the two of them knew after all what that second meant. A second. _A second_. They had been _a second_ too late.

There were just exceptions to pains that could be soothed, long overdue before they were addressed. Nothing could ease the grief of the son of Poseidon but perhaps the chance of meeting the son of Hades once more, if only for a moment. But, Nico di Angelo had moved on; had been living a blissfully normal life with a loving family for two years. The daughter of Pluto desired much for their ends to meet, but this happiness that her brother's reincarnation had achieved was what Nico had always longed for and well-deserved.

It would be blissful to be oblivious for once. It would be blissful not to look at those dying sea-green eyes without having to resist the searing urge to bring him to where his brother's reincarnation was. Not that Perseus Jackson was aware that Hazel constantly visited the toddler in secrecy. Not that Perseus Jackson was aware that it was a capability of hers.

"And his eyes though they are dead, they still have many tears to shed."

Her voice faltered, a haunting sadness fleeting across her once lively eyes as innocent dark brown eyes fluttered open. A moment of silence settled within the room before the toddler eagerly stretched out his little arms, looking up expectantly with wide, innocent eyes at his friendly visitor as he made grabbing motions.

For those moments, she could pretend that the toddler actually knew whom she was. That it was actually her brother reaching up for her with those arms, and not of a child who deem her as nothing more than an occasional friendly guest.

"Be happy, little one," Hazel breathed softly as she delicately brushed back his silky jet-black locks, crooning of tender lullabies and guiding him back to sleep, away from the harsh reality and the cruel fates that the world set firm.

* * *

 _I know that I am dead_ _  
_ _Yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed_

 _\- Tears to Shed, Corpse Bride_

* * *

 _finisce l'amore_

* * *

 _After note:_

 _Re: Aphrodite's words: Nico was meant to be a part of Percy's life. The one within Aphrodite's domain, of course. But their fates had been altered repeatedly. Now, Aphrodite cannot change what plans she had made. She cannot make Percy happy because his fate was supposed to be sealed with Nico. You may interpret that Percy could not live his life as he used to because he felt immense guilt, but my interpretation is more to losing someone important and only learning too late when they are gone._

.

.

 _Re: "A second"_

 _Percy and Hazel had arrived just in time to see Nico bathe in the River Lethe. Thus, a second._


End file.
